I am 35 year old man. I lead a joyful life. I went for my
work from 8am till 7pm and came home with my earnings for the daily bread to
serve me and my family. The routine continued and I was like a horse with a
silo. My life totally confined to the daily activities just enough for me and
my family to survive every day. My wife works in different houses to make sure
that cleanliness is not compromised. She works and takes care of my little
child: we were just blessed with. We were a happy family – complete in our own
sense.
We dwell in the slum neighborhood and have enough basic
amenities to complete the so called house. One fine day like my any other day,
I woke up to get ready and hurried for my work. On the way I happen to meet one
of my friend. I see him and smoke all over his face. I wondered “this man never
smoked, what is he upto?” I could not
hold my inquisitiveness and rushed to check what exactly was happening. I reach
closer and thump on his shoulders- usually a friendly nod. His eyes were
engulfed in the smoke and he seemed to be completely drawn as if to another
world. A Utopian world. His
acknowledgement to my thump was a slight eye gesture. I could not hold myself
any long. It looked like he was oblivion to the world and enjoyed himself
thoroughly. I could not hold any longer. I shook him harder to grab his
attention. Looks like he finally woke up.
Friend: Hey
buddy!! Kaise ho( How are you)
Myself : Main
toh thik hun( I am alright). Tu bata kaha khoya hua hain( where are you lost?)
Friend: Bus yar Kucch nahi ( Nothing much).
Myself :
Madhosh lag raha hain ( You look maddening)
Friend: Nahi
Nahi ( No No !)
Myself : Bata
bhi de yaar. Itne door se dekhte hue aaya hu( Please tell me know, I have come
from very far off).
Friend: Acha
sun( Ok listen). Yeh aisi baat hain jo batai nahi jati mehsoos ki jati hain(
Things not to be told but to be felt).
Myself: Kya (
what)
Friend: Le tub
hi ek baar. Jor se khichna aur dhue ko hawa main uda dena.( Take it and blow
the smoke in the air).
Myself: Pagal
hain kya ( Are you mad) Main nahi karunga yeh sab( I will not do all this).
Friend: Arey
bhai isse kuuch nahi hoga, lekar toh dekh aur nahi acha laga toh chhod dena.(
nothing will happen with this, Just take one drag and if you do not like then
leave it).
Myself: pakka
na ( Are you sure)
Friend: Haan
haan( Yes! Yes!)
The piece of paper rolled with anonymous object looked
like a cigarette yet wasn't one of it. Looked like it was rolled manually. I
had no idea that such a thing existed. It was being passed from the middle of one
hand’s fingers to mine. As it was traveling to me, I had no idea what was coming
to me and what it would do to me. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind before it
finally reached my fingers. I was hesitant yet the burning curiosity inside
made me lift my hands, my finger just enough close to my mouth for the first
fag. I took it inside with a deep breath and blew the smoke in the air. My head
shook; I kind of moved a bit and felt a sudden rush in the body!!! Wohoo!!
It was strange yet exhilarating. My mind could not
register what exactly happened. My fingers reached my mouth for another drag
and this time it was different again. My head shook but with much more thrill
and a sensation right from my stomach till brain. My face was sheltered with
smoke and my friend in his half conscious, glaringly looked at me. He asked for
it from me. I had to give it back and suddenly remembered that it was not
SUNDAY but a working day and I was already late for my work.
I rushed my way through the traffic and people but at the
same time was feeling different. I reached my workplace and carried forward my
day. After the day’s work, went back home and followed the routine as always.
However today when I was sleeping it wasn't the work that was in my mind but
that 10 minutes stint with my friend was what caught my attention. With
thoughts in my mind I dozed off.
Next day was a new day and I left a little early in the
apprehension that I would meet my friend again. And I happen to cross the same
street, the sight was similar. I was excited to go there and meet him again.
Somewhere that drag had taken me to some high, wanted to experience it again.
My friend passes a side smile as he saw me. He knew my intentions so without
even asking for it he offered me the stick. This time I was much more
professional and was able to inhale and exhale in the right sense. I enjoyed it
thoroughly and the feeling made me reach the Utopian world. Clock was ticking
and I had to leave.
It became my everyday routine and I could not have reaped
the benefits of being the first timer always hence started paying my friend to
arrange it separately for me as well. Initially we would always do it together;
I started reaching my workplace perpetually late and slightly lost in some
other tangent. From everyday in the morning, it started in the afternoon as
well, from afternoons to nights…….
I used to get pleasure from the feeling I experienced. My
wife could see the change in me but I ignored and told her: aisa kuch nahi hain
(there is nothing like that): she often mistook it to be the work pressure that
I was so mislaid and in astray. I spent less time with kids as the major part
of the time went in arranging and puffing. As time passed by, I could never
realize what I was losing because superficially I was just gaining. It was an
illusion. An absolute figment of my imagination.
I have lost concentration at work, I have lost interest
in family, I have started ignoring my baby….. The only thing that takes me
deeper into itself is that single piece of stick that seems to be taking
control over me. I know it’s the joystick to my movement yet have no sense to
maneuver it.
I started as a joyful person and today in the wake of
finding joy; I need to look for an external support. There are times when it
goes all day and I skip work for it and there are times it goes on for the
whole night and I skip my sleep for it. I contemplate on being the part of the
same social group that was in. Today was one such night and I have the rolled
paper with the contents in the middle of my fingers. I sit by the park and take
the puff slowly. As the night passes, I am wrapped in cotton wool of smoke. I
have lasted the night. I see the dawn and my eyes dying …The lids close and I’m
still at that park. I lost the way to my home and I lie here all night. I don’t
even know if my family is looking for me or are they in some police station to
file a lost FIR against me. I am alone now. I m alone in this park. I started
the night with both my legs on the ground but because of my adversity I end up
with ONE LEG UP, on the bench and one on the ground…How I wish I knew where to
stop and could erase the day that it all started.
With no power, today may be the beginning or the end of
the phase so lower….
