to blame to none...

Its well said that you get what you deserve... But that should not stop you for desiring... Infact you deserve your choice.. every step in life that you take is at some point what you wanted to do in life at some point of time. it may be the wrong time or wrong place but rethink because this is what you wanted. the circumstances that prevail makes you blame others and your situation for not getting to do what you want to but have you ever thought about how serious are we really in what we want to do?

You might have all the freedom in life possible but there is a mental block that stops you  moving ahead or making you bring to the same point from where you started generating the blame game. Rest of the time you are so occupied that everything seems to be perfect (occupied with things just coming by your way and not what you want to do) and the feeling of missing something feels as though never existed. But this mutual act shall never let you forward as life is too short to leave it the way it goes and wait for the Christ to come and mend it whenever you want. To sit to decide and to again sit and decide, loads of options keep coming your way and all of them to be too attractive to be taken forward and in this chaos the only thing that suffices is time loss because it is the mind that is in motion and not the body to give your cloud of thought the shape it requires. At some point the starting point seems to be blur and at the other time you feel the task is so easy that it can take off any time and hence you do not want to even make an effort. The feeling is just disgusting because all this while in life you grew up with an ambition however vague that may be but with time it did take shape.

You see others in the same genre of life and try to compare with what they are doing, to see the answer of fate at all aspects and realize that everyone like you and me float in the same boat trying to convince each other and move ahead. We blame a lot of things for what not and just sit idle to do nothing, assuming either it wont work or it wont be allowed to work but that's not the way because once you lift your hands and head at the same time you will feel the aura of what you deserved and your choice coinciding at the focal point.

the morning sunshine......

The best part of the day when asked- there is a picture in front of my eyes, the kind of morning i always dreamt of... the hussle in the night to wrap up the day's chores and cuddle inside the body pillow for the night to shape the dreams as beautiful.. setting up the mobile alarms much prior to the required time not to miss the morning sunshine..
Early sunshine from the undressed window pane, morning discussion of who is to get up early... the personal time of being pampered like a kid and being showered with loads of love.. that morning peck just makes the entire sleep vanish in seconds and the morning rush of not being late for the morning energizer begins ....you first or i first... please today you.. no just today you and i swear tomorrow i will get up early... and the saga goes on and on... but ultimately after that morning discussion , the car roars and we are on the track for the class thats most awaited for... we rush , we go...and then on the florescent mats we lie down to begin....breathe in breathe out... longer breaths and shorter breaths... sweat dripping and the body stretching to its full.... suddenly amidst the silence of positive aura we hear the absurd sound and giggles on my face just does not seem to stop.. i look on my side and see my partner trying just too hard to control that speck of laughter but its quite tough because the circumstances make it so... and the different postures that we need to attain....that rigid body making the sounds of the cracks to give it shape... the entire gala in the morning just refreshes every bit of tension and releases the positive energy required for the day to pump, rock and roll..

On the off days when the club doors are shut and the determination inside doesn't help us lay on the bed that when the body awaits the beautiful greenery, the chirping birds, the soft music on the ear, kids twisting and twirling with their balls, the oldies discussing their previous days, the young men with all the stock exchange details and the week forecast, the energy when we see the way people work out motivates even more to run run and run..not to forget the NOOM weight loss software on the phone - an integral part which helps in tracking the calories burnt and keeps me alert through the day ...

The morning is not over yet...just outside the club when after giving so much of strain to the body, energy drink is an obvious option and its not some red bull that comes in the mind but the natural coconut water in the most natural form and that particular genre called the "PATLI MALAI" wala wets the esophagus and gives the feeling of an ultimate satisfaction ...

The most important twist is when the decision whether today is the day to savour on the worlds best "chhole Bhature" or not.. the inside desire intending to pounce on it but the 5 min earlier saga consciously passes the message to the brain to even stop thinking about it... But those sundays when its the time to let go and let free the hands just cant stop to eat that bite and sip in the coke quenches the thirst of the week...

And its the vicious circle which goes on and on and on but the beauty of it lies in the fact that apart from being a repetitive schedule it still brings laughter, smile and new mimicry invention (the hidden talent) on the way everyday which now is not only confined to the cruze and yamuna sports complex but also has become an entertainment sessions in most of the social functions...

this is the story of the beautiful beginning .... the morning sunshine...

long awaited...

Sometimes its quite strange that you feel you were always right the way you were but there is a social circle binding you to think totally opposite that you are not alone but that the aura you possess touches each and every soul..
Lots of moments, instances, the heart breaks , the feeling of being low, the butterflies in the stomach, the feeling that everyone is near but not close enough to feel the pricks just come by and you want to turn the pages of the past and rub through them to get sense of the ongoing change.
Things are the same or may be better and just a phase to be experienced, to be learnt, to grow in life and develop the feelings of just being the same or even more to what you were. Sometimes the words are not enough and you want the silence to say it all and sometimes the loudest word cannot be heard. The experience of living does not correspond to what you have thought but to a new set of complexities to be dealt with and mature with it.
Being at the best, playing multiple roles, trying to fit into every fixture without alterations yet trying to match up with the life's aspiration keeps you juxtaposed and wondering to make the decisions between being right or selfish.
All the moments of happiness pass by like the invisible air and the thoughts never click as everyting just seems to be right but any moment of disapproval leads to the spurt of unwanted sentences and words leading to guilt for a long time.
The action of acceptance, the inner talk of admitting to what is wrong, the tears on those eyes, the softness in the tone just seems to be sinking in. With the passage of time the word " getting accustomed" becomes the thought for the day and the life gets easy as it goes.
All the things have been piling up and whatever said and done , till my fingers dont listen to the bustling sound of typing on the keyboard the feelings are there unpunched and now that I make this confession that im light and fulfill the long awaited..